How Do I Nerd vol. III: Care and Feeding of Twitchy Computers

So, it appears the volume controls on my laptop have fried.  Poor Ballantine thinks that someone is continually tapping the "Volume Down" button, complete with annoying electronic clicky noise... I can turn the volume back up through the desktop interface, but it clicks right back down again.  In related news, the mute button still works.  :P (And no, nothing is touching the button.  That's the first thing I checked.)  This, coupled with the garbled alien Morse code it was blipping at me on... Monday? Maybe Friday, but I'm going with Monday... leads me to believe that this poor beast is dying.  Slowly and painfully dying.

At the same time, my desktop has forgotten how to drive.  ( Click for rambling, in which I either sound like I sort of know what I'm doing with computers, or demonstrate that I really, really don't... )

Any thoughts, suggestions, or dirty limericks from the aether?

Oh, well... I suppose I should accomplish some stuff.  I had planned to pay the water bill and go to the bank, but... well, there's a small blizzard.  I don't care if these errands are within walking distance, I'm not going out there!  Maybe I'll do some more laundry...